Sometimes I just don’t know where to begin. The blog post, my travels, my day.
I guess that’s the fun of it all. Figuring it out.
Up until recently, I had two places to begin my world travels:
- I go east on my own. I go wherever I want, whenever I want and stay as long as I want.
- I go west with a friend. I told him I was traveling. He cut me off at the pass and invited me to travel with him on a worldwide project in which he was involved.
In option 2, the project depended on a few other people on this end and a few people on that end. And in the end, the project was either delayed, canceled or in need of a revamp. And that means option 2 is no longer an option.
In my dancing lessons, I seriously considered stepping in one direction with him, but instead I’m stepping in another direction on my own.
And I feel like I lost my dancing partner.
The partner with whom I’d figure out the train schedule and eat breakfast. The one I’d sit with on the plane/bus/park bench. The one who would take a photo of me in front of (insert city icons here). The one I could lean on if I lost my sense of direction/wallet/scarf.
After he told me the news, I thought, Shit, I have to do all this alone?!
…which was actually Option 1 anyway.
Plus, I don’t have to do any of it at all. I can do exactly what I’m doing right now, which is to sit in my Santa Monica apartment and blog about life.
Of course, that’s not why I quit my job. I quit my job for Option 1… but Option 2 was what made me enthused to go.
A part of me gets huffy and asks Why did you even ask in the first place? But the whys are never important. And they certainly don’t matter now.
A part of me is scared to travel alone. I wanted someone to yank me out of the line of a speeding scooter in (insert city here). He qualified.
A part of me just wanted to observe his life. I admire him. Admiration is potent stuff. I wanted to watch him do his work, to listen to him talk about it, to see him teach others. To be on the front lines of a creative shift in how we build up the world around us.
Traveling with him would have been like going to a TED conference everyday.
And now I look at the world I’m about to explore on my own and say, C’mon. Can you really beat that?
Of course, the world is up for the challenge.
I know that crossing Option 2 off the list is definitely a dancing lesson from God. Something beyond both of our control shifted our direction. He is staying here. I will go east. Perhaps I’m not meant to be a cheerleader for him on this journey. Perhaps what I’m meant to do will reveal itself when I get there. Wherever that might be.
And in the wise words of the song, Head full of doubt by the wonderful Avett Brothers…
So that’s what I’m going to do.