I took this photo on my way back from a party in Malibu on the weekend. How great is the moment when something beyond yourself happens and a perfect artistic opportunity presents itself. I also love that this Shell station is in Malibu, considered by many to be the paradise of the California coast.
I spent much of the weekend pondering and mixing metaphors, as you’ll see in this little poem I wrote:
I’ve been pondering a lot lately.
Not able to put into words
Exactly what I’m pondering.
Plans, I guess.
The next steps.
What to do with my life.
What to quit
And what to begin.
All this pondering
Can make a girl weary
All this pondering
Can turn into decisions
That turn into mistakes
And the prospect of mistakes
Leads to more pondering
I must remind myself
That had I not made the mistake
Of falling for what turned out to be
My first mistake
I would not have arrived in this moment
Where I have the luxury
To ponder a few costly future errors of my way
Before I crash into them.
I suppose I would have had other experiences
On a flatter plain
Had I not made my first mistake
But I can’t begin to believe
That those were better
Than what I got
So I sit with all this
And ponder longer
I deal out my future mistakes
Like a game of solitaire
Do I play this card
Or this card?
All this time knowing
That I can put the cards away
And stay perfectly still
Stay safe and small
And that would be perfectly fine
But that wouldn’t make me less weary
It’s an interesting vantage point
To see a handful of mistakes before me
And to see how they could easily converge
Into a giant 52-card pickup clusterfuck.
But to be faced with not making those mistakes?
By not playing those cards?
By not making a risky move or two?
That seems like a perfect trifecta
of preposterous, ludicrous and ridiculous
And that’s no way to live.
I must remember
When I get scared
Like the squirrel
Who runs three quarters of the way
Then scurries back
That mistakes are beautiful
Mistakes are part of the fun