When I asked him to fix my laptop, he did.
When my iPhone died, he loaned me one until my new one arrived.
When I didn’t want to drive to the Hollywood Bowl on my own to see the Dave Matthews Band, 11th row center that he got tickets for, he drove 40 minutes out of his way to fetch me.
And while I was out of town, he didn’t watch any of the TV shows we watch together because he honors the sacred act of shared seasons of TV.
And while he didn’t gush over my dress, he did take a gazillion photos of me in it:
So I sheepishly admit that I was willing to get all nasty here in my blog and say bad things about him because he didn’t do my bidding this one time.
Ugh it’s so ugly to admit the truth about self to self… and to you, dear reader.
That’s cool, I can take it. You’re not half bad.
This whole kerfuffle started because I had failed to remember the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, which explains the importance of being able to express love to a friend in a way that your friend can understand. Had I kept these love languages in mind, I would have realized that my friend does in fact love me anyway, despite my own hasty passive aggressive blogging ways.
The Five Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
This is when you say nice things like, “Oh my GAWD that is the nicest dress I have ever seen! You look ravishing. I can’t believe how beautiful you look in that dress. You MUST buy that dress immediately.” This builds your friend’s confidence and makes her feel pretty goddammit.
- Quality Time
This one is definitely me. My gift is my time. I will spend time with you. I will show up. I will be there. I will have forgotten about bringing you a gift but if it’s important, I’ll be there. And when I do show up, I’ll do my best to give you undivided attention. In the case of the dress guy, he was in the Nordstrom dressing room waiting area waiting for me to try on the dress. That counts as quality time.
It doesn’t have to be a big gift, but some people show love by giving gifts. Some people also only feel loved when receiving gifts. If you are not a gift giver (like me) and you are friends with a person who feels love mostly when a gift is received, you could be jagged edges to each other with nothing ever going smoothly. With the dress guy, he was taking the photo of me shown above to send as a gift later. How nice is that?
- Acts of Service
Doing things for each other is a great way to show love. With this guy, he fixed my computer and iPhone. And did I mention he went dress shopping with me?
- Physical Touch
This is where you smooch, cuddle, stroke each other’s backs and have snugs while watching your favorite TV show.
Dear reader, I noticed this last one piqued your interest. Well, the dress guy and I are just friends.
Sure you are.
Sorry. No stroking, smooching or cuddling for us. Nope. Nadda. Not gonna happen. Sorry to disappoint you, you cheeky monkey.
Dress guy’s final score is 3 out of 5 of the Five Love Languages. The two that didn’t make the grade were Physical Touch which is non-applicable in our case (don’t give me that look) and Words of Affirmation. And again, in his defense, he’s pretty good about Words of Affirmation most of the time. As far as Acts of Service go, having him fix my laptop and iPhone trumps fetching my dress at the tailor. And in the end, it all worked out.
Knowing all this makes me feel like I’m not a good friend. Like I’m unbending, not easy going, not easy, not nice. In short, I feel like a boob. Had I realized all this, I could have saved us all a lot of angst.
Note to self.