I went to Palm Springs on one of my friend Sharon’s Gold Passes.
These passes meant that she got to drag me along to whatever she wanted me to do. There was a house party in Palm Springs that she wanted to attend. I imagined drunk strangers, direct sunlight, no time to self and no escape. It sounded just awful. Hence the “dragging” aspect of the gold pass.
When I arrived at the party, there was some of that, but everyone was quite nice. Still, I became overwhelmed so I went to my room to write my morning pages. I was relieved to be hiding inside of my pages. Like I had stowed away a friend in my bag and we were playing in the back room. In my pages, I examined why I went to this party kicking and screaming. Then I remembered:
Why? Because if there are enough people around me, the energy drains from my system and I’m left sitting like a zombie, trying to not watch the clock. Some people come alive in a crowd. I cower and look for the quietest corner. I once thought there was something wrong with me until I heard about a book: